Rituals for Trust and Security
Now I have to tell a little story about my mother that won't let me go, makes me very happy, and yet annoys me greatly!
I gave my mother, who suffers from dementia (stage 2), a harmonica for her 90th birthday. She once told me that during her escape from Czechoslovakia during World War II—when she was just 18—she had lost her beloved harmonica. She didn't have much with her. While searching for a suitable gift idea, I came up with the harmonica. During our joint breakfast, she unpacked her small gift package in the morning, put the harmonica to her lips, and played the songs that had probably been swirling in her head her entire life almost flawlessly—without any further practice! (For those who don't believe it, I'd be happy to send a short video I recorded for the occasion!) This completely floored everyone sitting at the table with us. And it annoyed me that I hadn't thought of this idea sooner!
I'm convinced that if you specifically ask about your dementia patient's past—their hobbies, preferences, favorite movies, the song they can't get out of their head, the book or story they remember most fondly, or even the musical instrument they once played long ago—you can help the person you're caring for not only remember but also bring those thoughts back to reality. You've done both them and yourself a huge service. You just have to rummage through their past together, probe carefully, pay very close attention, and then go searching. Because people with dementia, even in advanced stages, can still remember earlier times clearly and vividly.
Stimulating the senses can thus evoke memories that create a very special connection to their past for someone with dementia and thereby improve their quality of life.
Music in particular often awakens long-buried memories. It doesn't matter whether you make music yourself, listen to it, dance, or sing. Best to choose music that your loved one used to enjoy or that held special meaning for them.
Creating and viewing videos or photo albums can also help. Memories triggered by pictures from the past often come more easily to dementia patients than through stories. Plus, they can feel joy when remembering past events, as it boosts their confidence and sense of capability. For dementia patients, there are special CDs and DVDs that recapture and bring to life the 50s, 60s, and 70s.
And here you'll find music and sing-along books.
Security comes from fixed habits, fixed sequences, fixed routines. Rituals provide structure in the daily life of someone with dementia. This doesn't require much effort. It starts with simple things: keeping everyday items in their fixed place, getting up at the same time every morning, or incorporating a specific activity in the afternoon. Valuable treasures for people with dementia are also positive memories from earlier years. This could be their favorite song, a trip to their favorite restaurant, or pictures from the family album showing them in happier times with loved ones. Even if a dementia diagnosis turns daily life upside down—what was once habit still provides security today.